It begins

So I guess the excuse I will use for not posting, is that I have been super busy....yes that's it....busy...hahaha...anyway, today begins the start of a very busy couple of months. Today is my little sisters birthday. Happy birthday Anna! Love ya baby! She was actually able to celebrate with us, since she had to come home after they closed her school due to the fires in her area. So yeah, that kicks off everything else. This saturday, the bf and all the homies are going to party it up in our silly ass costumes at QC's! I can not wait!!!!! Wednesday is Halloween, and then Friday I am going to be celebrating my 25th bday!!!!!! It is going to be awesome!
After that on the 16th is Matthew's bday, Thanksgiving, maybe some camping, and then before you know it....Christmas and then damn the year is over! Where the hell did the year go????????????

I want to feel again

First let me start off by saying that I was not lying when I put up my last post. I truly am happy, no matter how rough things can get there is always a smidge of happiness inside me. Things really are good. I love my job, I love my friends....you know all that good stuff.
I do have a lot to write about. I have a lot to think about. So bear with me, because this just might be a long one, with no real order. It's just my thoughts as they come to me..........Welcome to my inner chaos.

I was wondering when I would be ready. Ready to feel for some one again, the way I felt for Bobby. I was madly in love. I let it go. I've been alone. I learned to love me. I do my thing, I have my routines. I wonder still, if I truly moved on. Am I ready to share my life again with someone? I want to. I want to feel that comfort, I want to share my joy. For a moment I felt it. That rush, that feeling that just takes you over. I still feel it, but now I am overcome by fear. Fear destroys things.
When faced with the thought of a new relationship, so many questions pop into my head. I overanalyze every detail. The initial questions went out the window when we met. The, is he sincere, is his interest genuine questions fell by the wayside.. You're interest was clear as day as was your sincerity. When I was alone, I promised myself that I would do it right this time. I would not make the same mistakes. Even if those same mistakes are not made, I've realized mistakes will be made. I forgot that the components of a relationship are not only joy and fun, but also pain and effort. What makes it worth it, is that the first two components far outway the last two.
I hope I didnt lose the opportunity.