distractions

My blog for Chhean part 2...

2008-07-27T16:58:00.000-07:00

So I shouldn't have even started the last post because I knew I was limited on time....whatever. So last week when I started writing that post, I totally needed to talk to you...I needed to bitch. You know what it was? I was sad for a few days and I got tired of being sad. My sadness turned to anger and I needed that outlet to bitch. So I'm not angry anymore. I'm not sad either. I do however remember what put me in that mood. It was a couple of things...Primarily, I was mad at myself for shedding tears over someone who didn't deserve it...not even one drop. I know I don't even have to tell you, I'm sure you already know.
You think I would learn Chhean, but I don't. I'm too nice to people when I meet them, and I realize too late that they didn't deserve any of my kindness. Not even a fucking hello...But that realization makes me sad. Why are people so horrible to each other? So inconsiderate? So fucking FAKE!!!! I hate feeling like I can't trust anybody. I hate feeling like I can't believe what people tell me. If there is no trust, then what is there?
You know what's going to happen. I'm going to keep doing what I do. I can't help it. I don't want to believe that people aren't good. I refuse to believe that people aren't good.....
I miss you Chhean. We need to talk in person soon. Until then, my blogs will be for you!

This one is for you.....

2008-07-20T13:31:00.001-07:00

Chhean, this one is for you. You are the only person who has told me they still read this thing....hahaha you were the only one that knew when i last posted something...I didn't even remember that had put one up. Anyway, I know you and I don't chat as much as we used to, but honestly not much has changed. I know you're doing a lot of the same things, and so am I. If we talked right now I'm sure we'd be bitching about the same thing. Lol....it's always the same shit...I need to post this because I have to go..but trust me i'm not done talking to you chhean. LOL

3 months

2008-07-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

Almost 3 months later, here I am back on this thing. I read my last post. Wow, that feels like so long ago......Let me recap the events of the past 3 months...Last time I wrote on this thing my sis had barely been in the hospital for almost a week. She is out now and doing well. She was released from the hospital after about 6 weeks, 2 of those weeks she was in a coma. It was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced. But it was an experience that I learned so much from.
I learned that my little sister is truly a fighter. After being released from rehab she has pretty much bounced back to normal. She has no signs of having suffered brain trauma. For that I am thankful. I am thankful also for the fact that I can enjoy her company again, that I can mess around with her and share some laughs. I am thankful for the opportunity to have grown closer to her. I've learned that we have more in common than I thought.
When she was in the hospital, my whole family's life revolved around going to see her in the hospital in san diego. Life is pretty much back to normal. Life is going. i'm busy working, being the crazy person that I am. :P lol.
I am thankful for today. :)

average

2008-04-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

So i've been averaging one post a month....at least here on blogger. I've been posting more blogs on my myspace, so you should go read them there.....Things are tough now. My baby sis is in the hospital. She is sick. She has been in the hospital since Thursday, April 10th. She won't be out anytime soon. I am worried, I am sad. I have faith that she will get better....it's still hard though.

Hugs

2008-03-05T16:23:00.000-08:00

I like them. Good ones. Being held tight. Feeling warm. I like that.

Smile.....

2008-02-10T16:24:00.000-08:00

I got one. :) Just a quickie...things are good. I'm just taking things as they come to me. The past month has been filled with amazing experiences. I can't seem to stop smiling. And I sure don't want to stop any time soon.

#1 for 2008

2008-01-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

Alright, so i know i'm a little late in writing my first blog of 2008....but whatever....Anywho, here it is. A lot has been going on. Lots of good things. I've had a lot of time for just me and getting my life in order. I've spent a lot of time with friends. There is nothing better than that. They are with me even when other relationships end. I've gotten closer to some new people, and distanced myself from others.....I know it is better for me in the long run. Work is good, friends are good. I'm happy. Let me know how you all are doing....whoever still reads this blog that is...lol...

This is me

2007-12-21T23:16:00.000-08:00

I love deeply. I care deeply. I don't let go easily, but I can let go. I am strong. I am independent. I am motivated. I want to be loved for me, for all of me.

The season

2007-12-20T23:14:00.000-08:00

This season is all about family. I am so thankful to have such a loving family. Today i had one of those wow moments. My brothers and sisters and I were hanging out and i was overcome with this feeling of love. We were all there at my sister's house laughing and joking. It was one of those moments that can only be described as perfect. I needed that moment.

So sometimes.....

2007-12-12T21:09:00.001-08:00

I get ahead of myself.

Month

2007-12-05T18:48:00.000-08:00

So it has been about a month since my last post, and as usual, I feel like so much has happened. Life is always so crazy yet at the same time uneventful. I don't know if that makes any sense. Any way, I wanted to sit and write because I feel like my head is overflowing with thoughts. First, I can't believe the year is almost over. It seems so surreal that in a few weeks another year will have gone by. What have I accomplished this year? I suppose a lot of things. Perhaps nothing as big as graduating from college, but I feel like I accomplished many small things.
Funny how I can't think of them....lol...Well let's see, I got a new job, that was definitely an accomplishment. I loved my old job, but I needed to find something with more stability.
I'm stumped...I want to say that I finally learned how to be alone...but in reality I never really was. I was always surrounded by people. I always surround myself with people.
In fact I met a lot of people this year. I am thankful for the people I met. I met Kevin. Kevin is good. Our relationship is good. I am happy. Our relationship has changed my life. I don't think that qualifies as an accomplishment, but it is definitely an amazing thing.
Thinking back to what I wrote last year about what I wanted to accomplish I can also say that I accomplished letting go. I let go of anger. The anger I had last year no longer torments me. I have moved on.....I have moved on.
Okay, so I know what I have written does not pertain to any of the happenings of the past month, but it's just what I was thinking about. I guess more thinking occurs than actual events....hmmm.........

quarter century

2007-11-04T21:44:00.000-08:00

I am officially 25 years old! I must say that my quarter century party turned out to be everything i had hoped it would be. I had an amazing time with all my friends and family. Friday night we all went out and partyed at the bar. It was absolutely wonderful. Saturday night was great too. Friday was booze and drinking and saturday was family game night. We just sat around eating pizza and playing wii! Kevin met my mommy and my babies jesse and Matthew. That went absolutely fantastic. Jesse was so cute. He told kevin he could come over whenever he wanted....as long as they weren't busy..lol..it was cute. I'm glad meeting the family went smoothly. It was an absolutely wonderful birthday weekend.

It begins

2007-10-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

So I guess the excuse I will use for not posting, is that I have been super busy....yes that's it....busy...hahaha...anyway, today begins the start of a very busy couple of months. Today is my little sisters birthday. Happy birthday Anna! Love ya baby! She was actually able to celebrate with us, since she had to come home after they closed her school due to the fires in her area. So yeah, that kicks off everything else. This saturday, the bf and all the homies are going to party it up in our silly ass costumes at QC's! I can not wait!!!!! Wednesday is Halloween, and then Friday I am going to be celebrating my 25th bday!!!!!! It is going to be awesome!
After that on the 16th is Matthew's bday, Thanksgiving, maybe some camping, and then before you know it....Christmas and then damn the year is over! Where the hell did the year go????????????

I want to feel again

2007-10-01T14:18:00.000-07:00

First let me start off by saying that I was not lying when I put up my last post. I truly am happy, no matter how rough things can get there is always a smidge of happiness inside me. Things really are good. I love my job, I love my friends....you know all that good stuff.
I do have a lot to write about. I have a lot to think about. So bear with me, because this just might be a long one, with no real order. It's just my thoughts as they come to me..........Welcome to my inner chaos.

I was wondering when I would be ready. Ready to feel for some one again, the way I felt for Bobby. I was madly in love. I let it go. I've been alone. I learned to love me. I do my thing, I have my routines. I wonder still, if I truly moved on. Am I ready to share my life again with someone? I want to. I want to feel that comfort, I want to share my joy. For a moment I felt it. That rush, that feeling that just takes you over. I still feel it, but now I am overcome by fear. Fear destroys things.
When faced with the thought of a new relationship, so many questions pop into my head. I overanalyze every detail. The initial questions went out the window when we met. The, is he sincere, is his interest genuine questions fell by the wayside.. You're interest was clear as day as was your sincerity. When I was alone, I promised myself that I would do it right this time. I would not make the same mistakes. Even if those same mistakes are not made, I've realized mistakes will be made. I forgot that the components of a relationship are not only joy and fun, but also pain and effort. What makes it worth it, is that the first two components far outway the last two.
I hope I didnt lose the opportunity.

Good stuff

2007-09-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

I'm tired...but things are good. I'm happy. That's it.

Intentional

2007-09-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

So I intentionally write vague blogs so that whoever reads it (I guess that's just you Chris) will ask me what's going on. So this one will be just as vague as the last one.

So I have a new opportunity. To do things "right". Whatever "right" may be. At least this time I know for sure.

Not knowing

2007-09-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

I hate not knowing things.

summer time and the livings busy

2007-08-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

The end of July/beginning of August has been super busy for me, and I have been loving every minute of it. Holy crap come to think of it, August is pretty much over. There have been birthdays, vacations, weddings, job interviews, relocating, you name it. On the birthday scene, my niece, my two best friends and my brother all celebrated their birthdays. Lots of family time and parties! woohoo.

Let's see what else....My vacation was awesome! You can check out all the pics on my Myspace. I went up to Nor cal to visit my bestest friends and of course to be in Lauren and Tom's wedding. It was one of the most amazing weeks ever!

I'm really sad to see summer coming to an end. This summer was absolutely incredible. It's a world of difference from last summer. Emotionally, I'm much stronger and it is nice to not be dealing with all the drama that I had to deal with last year. This summer was all about spending time with family, having fun with friends, meeting new people and of course being outdoors!
I am so grateful for having been able to share so many awesome times with the people I love!

I don't want summer to end!

booze cruise

2007-07-23T22:22:00.001-07:00

So this weekend my bro, bobby and I redefined the term booze cruise. We rode around town on our beach cruisers and hit up about 5 different bars. We started our wonderful adventure at noon at one of my favorite bars, Rick's tavern on main. After grabbing some lunch and drinks there, we headed to venice/marina del rey and dropped by 2 bars to refuel on alcohol. We got a nice buzz going and rode back to the promenade and made a quick stop at another one of my fave's Barneys Beanery. Our fifth and final stop was at Cabo Cantina's happy hour. We chilled there for a couple hours and loaded up on the Margarita's and tecates. It was a successful evening with none us getting a B.U.I. (biking under the influence). I had an awesome time. Buying my beach cruiser has got to be one of my best investments. I love my bike!!!!

My bike Rosie

100

2007-07-10T23:20:00.000-07:00

this is my 100th post!!!! Yay!!!! Okay, so I said I was going to try and post more frequently, so yay me for trying! I know I have a whole bunch to write but I feel like I have so much I don't know where to begin. Well, let me begin with the most exciting news. My bestfriend from way back in the 6th grade is getting married at the beginning of August and I am going to be in her wedding. The date is quickly approaching!!!! I bought my plane ticket today so that was cool. I am counting down the days. Going to her wedding means I get to take a week off work!!! woohoo!!! Bachelorette party the first weekend I'm there and then her wedding is the following weekend. Let me tell you I haven't seen some of these people in about 5 years. So that's the good stuff in my life and of course there is all the other stuff...but that will have to wait for another day.

Oh my dear, how I have...

2007-07-09T01:39:00.000-07:00

neglected you. Is it because I have nothing to write? Probably not, a lot has happened in my life, as usual. I think I have just gotten lazy. Well I'm going to try and start writing again, this is just a warm up. I am happy that I at least wrote a few words and updated my profile. More to come....

What it is

2007-06-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm at home on this wonderful Friday. Why? Because I am sick. Not just I don't feel good sick, but more like I have strep throat sick. I love working with kids and all but damn....I have lost count of how many times I have been sick this year. So who's gonna take care of me? Any takers? I'm not contagious anymore! The drugs have kicked in beautifully. I'm going back to bed.

Long weekend?

2007-05-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

Supposedly this was a long weekend. I don't know for who, but it definitely was not for me. I worked Saturday and I worked Monday....it was my average length weekend...one day off from work. I must say that I definitely packed in a whole lot of things on the little time that I had off. After I got off work Saturday, I went shopping and then I went out with the homies to the club. It was SO much fun. We danced and drank the night away. It was awesome. It was a late night and we ended it like we always do by grabbing some yummy food at King Taco!
Sunday, I hung out with the homies Claudia and Alex. It was the shit! We chilled in Alex's pool and barbequed!!!! It didn't get too crazy since I had to work on Monday.
Thankfully I did not have that long of a work day on Monday and was back home by 3. Claudia and I chilled and did the girl thing. My Monday ended perfectly with a bbq at my mommy's, with my favorite people: my brothers!
So now it's back to the daily grind. Booooo!!!! I totally had a case of the Mondays today.....lol...on a Tuesday no less.
Hope everyone had a great weekend....hopefully I can post some pics from this weekend soon.....Stay tuned......

Brains

2007-05-24T22:05:00.000-07:00

This is a friendly reminder to me: Fully understand in your heart and in your mind that THIS was never real. Temporary fantasies, nothing more.

My car likes vacations

2007-05-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

So you all know that my car loves to take vacations...I know I work a whole shit load and my car doesn't appreciate the fact that I drag it along with me. So sometimes it decides to take mini vacations and I have to follow along. Thankfully I have an awesome friend that forces my car to go back to work. Hehe...thank you ALEX for fixing my car. Anyway, it turned out to be a great day. Granted I missed half a day of work, but now my car is working and I got to hang out with my buddies Alex and Claudia. While Alex fixed my car, Claudia and I went for a walk and then we did a little swimming in Alex's pool. After Alex finished working on my car we went for a bike ride at Balboa Park. It was awesome. Aside from bike riding I finally learned how to skate board!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!! I am so excited. Here are some pics of me getting my skate on.

I almost ate shit

Long boards are made for cruising

My new wheels

Yay me!!!!!

My peace

2007-05-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

Through all the craziness, the stress, this is what brings me peace......Where are you at 5:30 in the morning? You'll find me here.

Fleeting

2007-05-14T14:25:00.000-07:00

That moment is real.
The laughter, the smiles are all genuine.
They come from my heart.
Against better judgment, I put my everything into it.
Knowing for certain that this is just but a moment.
The question is not will this hurt me, but rather, how much will this hurt.
For this is temporary.
But it brings me an inexplicable joy.
I revel in that moment which is impermanent.
And as quickly as it comes, it goes.
Leaving me with that feeling.
The feeling which unlike that moment, lingers.
The feeling, which is only eclipsed by THAT moment.
I am once again returned to the true state of things.
But, for a flash in time, that moment is real.

My strength, my rock, my heart and soul

2007-05-13T17:30:00.000-07:00

Words can not explain how much my mom means to me. She is my world, my love. She stands behind me and she gives me guidance. She holds me when I cry, she cries with me. She motivates me to go forward, to constantly seek improvement. She is strong for me when I can not be. She reminds me of my accomplishments when I forget and she tells me that she is proud. She embodies wisdom and strength. She is patient and giving. She is a single mom. She is my strength, my rock, my heart and soul. With out her I would not be who I am today.
I love you mommy! Te amo con todo mi corazon!

So this is love...

2007-05-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't been consistently posting and for that all I have to say is too bad....hahaha...just kidding. Anyway, I just wanted to give you all an update on things......I had an awesome weekend this weekend! Cinco de Mayo was Saturday!!!! We celebrated my mommy's birthday! My family and I went out to lunch and had a great time. After my mommy's lunch I went with the homie to watch the De la Hoya fight. That was definitely good times....maybe I'll write more about that later. hahaha. On Sunday I spent the day with the loves of my life: my nephews. We spent the day at the pool. Here are some pictures:

We are so silly!

Me and my water baby!

Blah!!!

Isn't he the cutest!

Can you take one with out your tongue sticking out?

Me and Mattie

We are so cute!

what

2007-04-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes so much time goes by, you don't even know where to begin. My last post I was at a complete melting point. Too many things had come at me all at once. I know I didn't deal with them well, but I think after things calmed down, I came out feeling a little bit more in control. I am at the point in my life where I am making an effort to surround myself by positive things. Not the madness of the people who don't care about me and who bring negativity along with them. I am taking things day by day. Looking at all the situations that come my way with more care. Well....at least I am trying.

The surface

2007-04-09T07:55:00.000-07:00

If you were to ask me how I was doing I would tell you that I am ok, that I am good. On the surface I look ok, I sound ok. Inside me, I feel like I am constantly battling the chaos of my thoughts. Thoughts of confusion, of anger, of love, of hatred. This is a plea to my friends. Call me, ask me how I'm doing and when I say "I'm ok, I'm good", ask me again because that is only the surface.

Since then....

2007-04-01T18:14:00.000-07:00

A year has passed since we last fell asleep in each others arms.....in our bed, in our room, in our home. A year has passed since I walked out of our home for the last time. If you were to collect all the tears I have shed since then, it would be enough to make a raging river, whose waters would reach to the most distant ends of the earth. There has been so much pain and so much loss since then.
But it has been a year, and hearts and lives move on. You will forever be my greatest love. You will always be my best friend. I will never forget the happiness that we shared. I have hope for greater things in the future.
I have hope.

so this is how it is...

2007-03-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

real quick update. i'm sick again. boo....if you look at my blogs it seems i get sick once every six weeks....that SUX.

Time

2007-03-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have none. I have so much to write but I have no time....

Making it

2007-03-06T19:32:00.000-08:00

It has been a stressful couple of days for my family. On saturday, my brother in law's mother passed away. On Sunday, my nephew Matthew went to the ER because he was extremely sick. He was admitted into the hospital on Monday and hopefully he will be home tomorrow. I was at the hospital with him this afternoon and he looked a lot better. He smiled and had enough energy to play. That is a vast improvement from Sunday when all he could do was lay there.
It has been particularly difficult for my older sister seeing how it was her mother in law, and her son. I feel drained, I can only imagine how she feels. She has been so calm and collected through this whole ordeal, she has shown amazing strength.
Well that is the update for now. Thank you to everyone for their support during this rough time.

Please....

2007-03-04T12:20:00.000-08:00

pray for my family as we mourn the loss of a very dear family member.

The happs.

2007-02-25T17:31:00.000-08:00

A lot of things have happened in February. My mom got married on the 17th and my cousin got married yesterday. My moms wedding was awesome. I had a great time celebrating with family and it was awesome to see my mom so happy.

Here's a pic of me and my mommy.

My cousins wedding was yesterday but unfortunately I could not go. :(
For the safety of my loved ones I have have to quarantine myself until tomorrow. Last week I was exposed to strep throat and scarlet fever and in order not to expose them to my germs I had to stay home. It was so upsetting because I was really looking forward to seeing my family. The good news is that right now I feel okay. I went to the doctor Friday and she said that what I have right now is just a viral infection. If I am feeling okay tomorrow than I am in the clear. So far so good.

Since there was no partying for me this weekend I did get a lot of much needed rest. It was nice. Bobby came over and kept me company and took care of me. Time and time again he shows me how great of a friend he truly is. I am so lucky that I have such a great best friend. Read my post below. The last thing I want in my life are fake people. Obviously asking someone to care for me when I could possibly get them really sick is a lot to ask but you get the idea. Anyway that's what has been going on in my life. I hope everyone is well. Until next time.

What I want....

2007-02-25T17:27:00.000-08:00

out of the people in my life is for them to be real with me. I don't need people in my life who do not care about me or who mistreat me. If I call you my friend that means that you can count on me to be there when you need someone to talk to. You can count on me to want to hang out with you and just chill. If you call yourself my friend then hopefully I can count on you to do the same. If you can't be that to me, then don't even bother calling yourself my friend.

What do you see?

2007-02-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

What do you think of when you see me? Do you think of me as a female? As a Mexican? I know I'm asking the wrong people, seeing how the only people who read this know me pretty well. I'm asking these questions because two situations happened on Friday that kind of pissed me off.
So, I work at an elementary school in an affluent community. 99% of the kids there are white, have stay at home moms AND nannys so that there mom's have time to do important things like go to the gym and get their hair done. Most of the kids' nannys happen to be of Latin American origin. Anyway, so I was at school on Friday and one of the kids was sick so he went to the nurse. After twenty minutes or so the teacher asked if I could go check on him and bring him back if he was feeling better. I went into the office and he was ready to come back to class. As we were leaving the office, the secretary asked me if I had already signed him out to take him home. It took me a second to realize that she thought I was his nanny and that I was there to take him home. I turned around, looked at her and said, "excuse me". She looked at me, recognized me and quickly apologized. "oh, I'm sorry" she said. "I thought you were here to take him home." I replied with "No, I work here. I'm taking him back to class." She didn't say anything and just went back to doing whatever it was she was doing. I kind of just let it slide.
Later that afternoon I arrived at my next session, and as I sat in the car waiting for the security in the booth to open the gate (they live in a gated community), I started coughing. I did the polite thing by coughing into the inside of my elbow and not my hand, seeing how she was about to give me my permit to put in my car. The security lady looked at me and asked me, "are you a cook?" I looked at her at this point kind of pissed. "What?" I asked. "Are you a cook?" she said. I replied angrily, "No, why?" "oh, it's just that I've only seen cooks or people that work with food, cough like that." she said.
I snapped back, "No, I am an educator and I teach my kids to cough like that so they don't spread germs. Is that all?"
She didn't say anything back and just opened the gate for me.
Is it because I'm a female that people assume that I'm a nanny or a cook or whatever it is they think. Or is it because of my race?
Well check this, I am a female, I am a Mexican and on top of that I am a professional. I am smart, I am educated, I have two degrees and I will kick the ass of the next person who asks me if I am some little kids nanny.

A lot

2007-02-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have so much to write about. I'm debating on writing one long blog or splitting it up into smaller blogs based on category......whatever....we'll just see what happens. Anyway let me begin with mentioning that I greatly dislike being sick. On Thursday morning I woke up feeling super crappy. I tried convincing myself that it was all in my head, so I got out of bed at my usual time of 4:45am and headed for the pool. Mind over matter right? Wrong. Normally if I feel crappy, my swim helps to make me feel better. Well not so much this time. After my swim I decided it would be best if I stay home from work and sleep. So I did just that. I spent all day Thursday in bed. Actually, I did run one errand but that was because I absolutely had to. My one errand was to the Cingular store to set up my new phone.....seeing how my old one broke. Stupid phones.
Anyway, Friday morning I woke up feeling a little better so I went ahead and decided that going to work would be the best idea. Halfway through my day I was back to feeling crappy, but I managed to get through it.
Saturday I woke up even worse, but I was determined to get better by that evening. I had been planning on going to a birthday party for weeks and there was no way I was going to let being sick stop me. Once again I slept all day, loaded up on the cough medicine and went out for a night of partying. I had an awesome time and surprisingly I woke up feeling decent the next morning.
So it's Monday morning now and I'm at home, still feeling kind of sick. Thankfully my client didn't have school today so I get to stay home and rest. I do have session this afternoon but hopefully I'll be okay.
Well that's the run down on how I'm doing physically. I guess my emotions will have to be on another blog.......

the movies

2007-02-08T18:06:00.000-08:00

I've never done a movie review but I figured I would give it a try. Okay, I take it back I'm not really reviewing it I'm just letting you know that I went to see Smokin Aces yesterday. It was an awesome movie. There was a lot of action and there were so many amazing actors in it. It is a definite must see.
Okay this is a really short post...but yeah....tough nookies. LOL. Until next time.....

No news

2007-02-04T21:38:00.000-08:00

So you know the saying: No news, is good news...well I guess it applies to me now. I haven't posted anything in awhile because there really hasn't been much for me to write about. For me, that is a good thing. Nothing too exciting has gone on in my life. I'm just here working and hanging out.
This weekend was probably the most eventful weekend in awhile. It kind of kick starts my month of events.
Saturday was my nephews birthday party. He turned four years old. It's so crazy how time flys. After his birthday party, me and my brothers hung out for a night of drinking and UFC. It was definitely good times. I woke up a little hung over, nothing another round of drinking couldn't cure. : )
For the super bowl we headed over to the bar and hung out there. It was definitely good times. Beer, football and all the homies. I could not have asked for a better weekend.
So my weekends for this month are pretty much booked. Next week is a birthday party, the following weekend my mommy is getting married and then last but not least the last weekend of the month my cousin is getting married. Yay, lots to look forward to. Hopefully that will give me lots to write about.
Well I am off to bed. Hope everyone has a great week! : )

Are you on the list?

2007-01-23T16:40:00.000-08:00

Last night Heroes finally came back!!! Nuff said! It was awesome! Mondays have never been so great! If you've never watched it you have no idea what you are missing. Check it out. It's on Monday nights at 9pm on NBC.

Before you know it

2007-01-20T16:24:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Time has just been zooming by for me. It'll be Monday morning and before I know it, it is the weekend all over again. Not that I have been doing super exciting things on the weekend or during the week for that matter, but work keeps me pretty busy.
So far this weekend has been pretty good. Last night I went out with some coworkers which was awesome, seeing how this job is totally different from IKEA in that I never really get to see my coworkers. It was nice to actually see them and not have to discuss client matters. We went out to happy hour after our meeting and then met up later at a club in Santa Monica.
Tonight Chris and I are hanging out. That is always good times. We haven't hung out in a long time so it should definitely be fun.
Well I hope everyone is doing well, have a great weekend.

Yesterday

2007-01-09T18:25:00.000-08:00

So I meant to post this yesterday, but I didn't get around to it. Anyway so yesterday my wonderful swimming facility reopened after a month of being closed. It was great to be back in the water. I can't say that I didn't go to any other pools to swim while it was closed, but they all suck compared to the pool I go to.
This morning I also planned on going swimming. When I woke up this morning I had a good stretch and felt refreshed. Immediately my brain told me I overslept. I never wake up at 5 in the morning feeling refreshed. I looked at the time and thankfully I woke up with enough time to get ready for work.
I at least chose a good day to oversleep, seeing how I had a half day at work and was done by noon. I was able to go swim before the evening crowd arrived. Today was an awesome day to swim outdoors, the sun was shining, it was nice and warm, it was perfect. When I got to the pool this lady was bitching about the pool being to warm and that she was just going to have to go ride her bike because there was no way she was going to be able to have a good swim with the water so warm. I thought to myself- "Are you fucking kidding me? It's January and we can swim outside in the beautiful weather and this lady is bitching?" In any case she left. Good riddance. The things people bitch about I swear.
Well that was my day.

My first blog....of 2007

2007-01-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

Yay, ringing in the New Year was awesome! I'm still trying to recover. I wish I had another day off of work but oh well. So I spent the weekend in San Diego and it was definitely good times. Saturday, my brothers and a few of my cousins and I went down to the gaslamp in san diego and watched the UFC fight. It was cool, it didn't exactly work out the way we planned it, but it was still fun. On Sunday we hung out and watched some football. The day was pretty chill and relaxing. Of course all the excitement happened that night as we awaited the new year. First we went over to my Aunt's house and hung out there for a bit and then we went over to Bobby's aunt's house where we partied the night away. I got a little carried away with the drinking but thankfully I didn't pass out till after midnight.
Monday morning I spent the whole day in bed. I felt out of it all day. There won't be too much drinking from now on, I really have to focus on training for the marathon in March. Well, I hope everyone had a great time and I wish everyone the best for the upcoming year!

Resolutions

2006-12-30T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's that time again to begin anew. This year I have a few resolutions. My first is to stay in marathon shape not only for the marathon but throughout the year. My second is to begin to let go of the anger inside of me. This resolution might take more than just one year, but we'll see how it goes. I just hope this year is filled with lots of fun and progress.
Well I am off to San Diego for a weekend of fun with my brothers. I'm excited, partying with them is always good times. I hope everyone has a great New Year's!

Reflections

2006-12-28T20:18:00.000-08:00

Another year is almost over. So many things have happened this year. I would like to be positive about things, but to say that this year was tough would be an understatement. Although it was a difficult year, I am determined to take with me all the lessons that I learned as a result of the struggles.
I wish I could say this year was great, but for all the great things that I experienced, I also experienced an equal amount of pain and heartache.
I was sitting in the car today listening to a cd and as the songs came on, each one reminded me of something that happened this year. I kept thinking about how much I wanted to write about when I got home but, when I sat down to write, I had nothing. So, I went out to my car and got the cd. Now that it's playing, it's all coming back.
Music moves me, it is a part of me. It allows me to feel for just one moment exactly how I felt then, now. This is the soundtrack of my year.

January
Bebot-Black eyed peas:
Getting ready to go out New Year's eve/New Years. It was a great party with all the homies.

January
Bro Hymn Tribute-Pennywise:
Pennywise concert. The energy at this concert was intense. It was the most awesome concert ever. I will never forget it.

March
Screaming infidelities-Dashboard Confessional:
I think it was mile 16 of the L.A. marathon, this song came on my ipod. I was tired, but determined and ahead of me was a picturesque view of Downtown L.A. I could see all the buildings and streets and I knew I was going to make it.

May/June
Pomp and Circumstance, March no. 1-Edward Elgar:
My college graduation. It was so hot it brought me to tears. That day kind of defines my year. It was an absolutely great feeling to finally graduate but that day can not be defined as great because of all of the personal turmoil I was experiencing at the same time.

June-August
Crazy-Gnarls Barkley:
My little brother's birthday and almost the entire summer.

August
Lonely Day-System of a Down:
My grandfather passing away. My heart was crushed, I was numb.

October
Moneymaker-Ludacris:
Halloween at Busbys. Good times.

November
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol:
My birthday without you, Thanksgiving. Feeling old.

December
Until the day I die-Story of the Year:
How I feel now and forever about you.

A new year will begin soon, and I hope it brings with it many new things to be happy about. My hope for the new year is that I don't have to experience so much loss. This year I lost my grandfather, my godmother, Danny and Alfonso. The pain of each one of their deaths was different, but painful nonetheless.
This year will soon be just another memory, but I will always have these songs to remind me of it.

I just had to put it down

2006-12-23T18:00:00.000-08:00

With the holidays upon us, I know that I should be reflecting on everything that I am blessed with. Trust me when I say this, I am thankful for everything I have. I couldn't ask for a better family, I have an awesome job and so many other things are wonderful in my life. However, there is one thing that I just had to put in writing before this year is over, even though I know the person/people who this is directed to will never read it.
Like many of you know, I absolutely love music. The wonderful thing about music is that oftentime someone who actually has singing/writing talent manages to write a song with lyrics that fit so well with a situation/s that you have experienced. Not every lyric in this song fits, but I'm putting down the lyrics that I totally feel. This song is in spanish so I translated it, for my non spanish speaking readers. : )

Te he querido, te he llorado (I have loved you, I have cried over you) by Ivy Queen

...Te burlas de mi, me haces sufrir...
No soy de hierro
Yo soy una mujer...
Sufriras como yo asi tu lo veras
Y en tu vida nadie te querra
Lo que hiciste me la pagaras
Si en mis manos tuviera un puñal lo usaria
Y la vida yo te quitaria Por dejarme tan sola y vacia

English:
You make fun of me, you make me suffer.
I am not made out of iron, i am a woman.
You will suffer the way I have suffered, trust me.
In your life no one will like/love you.
What you did to me you will pay for.
If in my hand I had a knife, I would use it.
I would take your life, for leaving me so empty and alone.

Like I said before, I know it won't be read by the person/people that made me feel this way, but it just feels better to put it down in writing. Anyway, I think this song is amazing and if you actually want to hear it I have it on my Myspace so check it out.

***update: now you don't have to go to my Myspace page***

Te he querido , Te he llorado - MUSICA.COM

Rainbows

2006-12-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

Although I have experienced a great deal of personal loss this week, there are definitely some good things going on in my life. On Monday, I had originally thought of writing a post about my weekend, but with so much weighing on my heart I needed to write about that first.
So this post is going to be my rainbow after the rain.
My weekend began kinda crappy (read two blogs down), but thankfully it did improve. Chris and I went out for some drinks Friday after work and watched a movie. It was good times. Nothing super crazy, but we have a good time no matter what we do. Saturday I worked all day and just hung out with my family.
On Sunday, Bobby and I went to my company's Christmas party. It was so much fun. I am very thankful that I left one good company for another. Everyone at my work is wonderful and I had a great time hanging out with them. From my experience, most Christmas parties are in the evening, but ours was a Sunday brunch party. It was awesome, but it kind of threw off my day, seeing how I ended up drunk by 1pm. :)
Well it's Wednesday and the weekend is once again upon us. It's going to be a long weekend so I am definitely excited. Tomorrow my little sister is coming and she is bringing my niece!!! Yay!!
Okay so I think this is long enough and I need to get some work done for my meeting on Friday. Hope everyone has had a good week so far. : )

A prayer for the departed

2006-12-18T22:04:00.000-08:00

In the past week, two family friends have passed away. A third, a little four year old girl who was a former student of my sister's also passed.

May you rest peacefully in the arms of the lord.
Your memory will always be with us.
Alfonso-The smell of your flower shop.
Danny-Your platinum blonde hair.
Zabrina-Your innocent smile, so much life to look forward to.
You will forever be in our hearts.

It is difficult to deal with loss at any time of the year. Especially now, during the holidays when we celebrate with our family and friends. Words can not explain how much they will be missed.

Tough

2006-12-15T16:25:00.000-08:00

Today has been pretty tough. My car is totally protesting the amount of driving I put it through. Aside from that some other not so fun things have happened today.
So, on the way to work this morning I got hit by a mini van. I was at a stop light and this huge mini van thought he could squeeze by my car and the island to get into the turning lane. Well, he couldnt and he scraped the side of my car. I pulled up next to him and told him to pull over. He proceeded to turn but he just took off. I was super pissed off so I took off after him. I chased him around a few city blocks and through a shopping center before I ended up catching a red light and he got away. : ( I was so heated.
That was this morning. I had to cancel my afternoon sessions because of my car, so that sucked. Lastly, I still feel like crap. : ( I think I feel worse. My eyes are burning (from a considerable amount of tears shed yesterday) and my head is totally pounding.
On the upside, Chris is coming over to hang out and we are gonna watch a movie. So that should be fun. Alrighty folks, not a great start to the weekend but hopefully it will get better. : )

yuck : (

2006-12-14T21:04:00.000-08:00

I feel sick...again. I know it's one of the hazards of my job but jeez...i have been sick more in the past three months than I ever have in my entire life. Ok so that's a slight exageration,but you get the picture. My throat hurts and I have a horrible headache. : ( I know the headache is partly due to the fact that my car has been giving me problems...again, but the sore throat may be the sign of another cold. So, I'm grumpy and I'm lonely and I don't want to get out of bed. I've been in bed since I got home from work. What's worse is the weekend is coming up and of course I'm sick. : ( I think working six days a week is wearing on me.
Okay I think I'm done bitchin, but if you'd like to cheer me up you can give me a call, or send me a message.

7:20

2006-12-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

That's the time I left for work on Friday morning. That also happens to be the time I got home from work that evening. It was a long day to say the least. Actually, it was a long two weeks. Thankfully I had a wonderful weekend to make up for not having a day off from work in 13 days.
My friend from high school came to visit me and we had an awesome time. I normally don't do much on the weekends, so it was nice to go out. Saturday night we did the tourist thing and went to the promenade and the pier. Of course I had to take him to one of my favorite establishments: Barneys Beanery, where we did some catching up over rounds of booze. It was super good times.
Today we had a busy day too. After a great champagne brunch we headed over to the Alternative car show at Barker Hanger at the Santa Monica airport. It was cool, we got to see cars that use alternate forms of fuel. Some of the cars were a little to funky for my liking but it was fun to check them out and sit in them. We didn't spend too much time there since we both wanted to go to the LA car show at the convention center.
We headed over there and spent a good time looking at all the cars. I love going to the car show! It was awesome. We saw the new Camaro which is coming back in 2009 and the new Challenger which is coming back in 2008, along with a long list of other sweet cars.
All in all it was an awesome weekend. Now, it's time to start another work week. I hope everyone has a good week!

She deserves it

2006-12-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

Since Jesse and Matthew have a post totally dedicated to them, I thought my niece Lorena (Lulu) should have one for herself. Come to think of it, I think she already does. In any case, she is so cute perhaps she deserves two. : )
My relationship with her is completely different than the one I have with my two nephews. My sister and her family don't live down the street, so I don't get to see her nearly as often as I would like to. Every time I see her she just looks so different. Anyway, here are the most recent pictures of her, she is so cute!

Looking so pretty!

I gave her this outfit. : ) (My brother says she looks like an ewok)

Enjoying her hand.

okay I can't leave them out completely. All three angels together. Poor photographer, trying to get them to sit still long enough to take the picture was not an easy task.

January 22nd

2006-12-04T22:31:00.000-08:00

That's when Heroes comes back...that is entirely too long to wait for a new episode. Tonights episode was awesome as always. This post should be longer but I'm tired. That and I don't think anybody reads this anymore, except for Justine....since he's the only one that comments. Thanks Justine. : ) Well, good night.

Used to

2006-11-30T20:11:00.000-08:00

I used to think I could handle anything. My life hasn't been easy, and having already gotten through so much I always told myself nothing could stop me. I know everyday I make the effort to take a step forward, but this year I feel like I have been pushing a ton of bricks just to take the smallest of steps. This year has worn me down. My heart is heavy, but I try to put my best face forward. If life is progress how come I don't feel any different than I did nine months ago. I get mad at myself because although I know there has been forward progress in aspects regarding my education and career, I feel like there hasn't been any when it comes to my emotions.
They are still jumbled and chaotic. I snap at the smallest thing. Inside me I felt like I had a small piece of sunshine. Now, I can't find it. I remember that I used to make people smile..I force it now.
My emotions are on my face, in my eyes. They swell from the tears, makeup can't hide it.
I will never give up, but damn, sometimes it's hard.

5 days

2006-11-28T17:51:00.000-08:00

It had been five days since I had gone swimming and it was nice to get back in the pool this morning. The pool that I swim at was closed Thanksgiving and also due to my illness I wasn't able to swim. I'm feeling better now for the most part, so I'm happy. For a moment there though I was completely incapacitated. I spent the majority of Thursday and Friday in bed. It was not fun.
Anyway, I took it pretty easy this morning, I'm trying to ease back into my routine. I don't have that much time left to swim this year though. The pool is closing for a month for repairs and what not. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I was thinking about running, but it is just too damn cold and dark in the morning. At least the pool is heated and I'm never alone. I guess I just have to find a different pool in the meantime.
Or I could just start sleeping in.......

Now I have to wait

2006-11-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

Heroes was on tonight. Another fabulous episode. The stories are coming together, things are making sense. Lots of questions still. Now I just have to wait till next week. I'm going to be so sad when it goes on break for the holidays. I'm tired so sorry for the short post. Night folks.

Thankful

2006-11-24T11:29:00.000-08:00

I wanted to write this yesterday but due to physical limitations I could not. First, I am thankful that I had the day off from work yesterday, otherwise I would have had to call in sick. I woke up yesterday morning ridiculously sick. I didn't get out of bed until 4pm. It was horrible. I couldn't move (except to get up and go throw up), I had a fever, and my whole body hurt. At 4 o clock I was determined to get out of bed, so I got up and took a shower. I thought, if I look better maybe I'll feel better. Yeah, that didn't work. I was all dressed up feeling like shit.
Bobby came at like 5:30 and we went to his parents house for dinner. The whole time I was there I felt like lying down. The sight of food was making my stomache turn. Needless to say we didn't stay there long. We came back to my house and I went straight to bed.
Thankfully dinner at my house was really late. So I got to sleep for an hour or so before dinner was served. This time when I woke up I did feel a little better. That made me happy since I really wanted to eat dinner with my family, especially since my little brother the chef had been cooking since Tuesday. Dinner was amazing. My brother really outdid himself. He made a fabulous turkey, five sides and 3 beautiful pies. I am thankful that he found something that he truly loves.
Before dinner we went around and each said what we were thankful for.
I am thankful for many things, too many to list, but what I am most thankful for is my family. They were strong for me when I couldn't stand on my on. They were there for me to lean on and they all gave me a shoulder to cry on. This year was rough but I am thankful that I have them in my life. I don't know if I could have done it with out them.

Interrupted

2006-11-21T08:49:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I was kind of interrupted from writing my post so I made it super short and just posted it because I hate saving it for later. By the time I get back to it, I've forgotten what my motivation was for writing it.
Anyway, so yesterday morning I was super tired and I just couldn't get myself out of bed to go swim. Well, when I finally did get up I felt bad so bad for not swimming that I packed my bag so that I could swim some laps after work. Let me tell you I will never swim after work. The pool was crowded, I had to share a lane the whole time and I didn't get to swim in the lane that I normally swim in. (There was already two people swimming there and I didn't want to make us swim circles just so I could swim in my lane.) It was really dark by the time I got in the pool and the lane I chose was not very well lit. Since I couldn't really see how far I was from the wall I kept doing my flip turns too early and it was just a water up my nose mess. I would miss the wall entirely, or just barely reach it enough to push off with my toes. I guess that's better than having smashed my face into the wall, that would have sucked.
Needless to say that definitely taught me a lesson and I was up bright and early this morning ready for my swim. It was nice to see the familiar faces of the morning crowd, I didn't have to share a lane the whole time and yes, I got to swim in my lane. : )
It's been a good morning so far, nice and slow. I only have one client today and that's not till later this afternoon. One more day of work and then it's Turkey day! Yay!

Lunes

2006-11-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

Another Monday, another work week. I'm actually quite excited. Heroes is on tonight and it is a short work week. Thanksgiving is Thursday and I definitely have a lot to be thankful for. This year we will be celebrating with another member of the family, and although it was a difficult year for me I have lots to look forward to. Well, it's going to be a short post. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.

How time flys

2006-11-19T13:04:00.000-08:00

So Thursday was my nephew Matthews first birthday. We had his baptism and birthday party all at the same time yesterday. It was good times. All the family got together, even some family from San Diego and we had a good time hanging out and eating some yummy food. Since my grandfather passed away in August I can honestly say that we have made a sincere effort to spend more family time together. The majority of my family lives in San Diego and we have made more trips down there to see them. They have made an effort to come up and visit too. Hopefully that continues.
Well, it's been a pretty good weekend so far, I'm just gonna relax and watch some football. I'll post some pictures of the festivities soon. : )

Halloween and Bday Pictures

2006-11-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

I had a blast on halloween and on my bday. Thought I would share some of the fun.

Steph and I waiting at the bus stop

My brother the tequila bottle, Maria the sexy whatever she was and me

Nothing beats the blues like a bottle of tequila

My drinking buddies and me on my bday

Me and the ladies

I love my little bro!

Check out some more pictures on my Myspace

Mornings

2006-11-13T23:19:00.000-08:00

I stand alone in the cold darkness.
A sudden splash and I am fully submerged.
My thoughts overtake me. They flow around me like the water.
I can not escape them, they are above me and below me.
Wave like thoughts that rebound off the wall and I have no choice
but to face them.
I pull and kick through them, searching for answers,
only to come up with more questions.
Sometimes I move slowly through them, carefully analyzing.
Other times I try to charge through them but they overwhelm me.
I continue forward.
Pull, pull, kick, kick.
A revolution of body and mind and I am back at the beginning.
The answers are at the other wall. I keep going.
I have yet to reach that other wall.

Bowling anyone?

2006-11-12T21:38:00.000-08:00

Let me just tell you I suck at bowling, but I have so much fun doing it. Last night Chris and I went bowling. It was good times. We got to the bowling alley a little before Extreme bowling started so we hit the bar and watched the rest of the SC game. They won, YAY!
For the record we both suck, and after two buckets of beer we are horrible. When we first started bowling we were both bowling over one hundred. By the end of the night our combined scores barely totaled one hundred. If you didn't already know, Chris is really competitive so it was awesome that I beat him 5 out of the 6 games we played. HEHE. Sorry to put you on blast, but it was funny seeing you get mad over losing. All in all it was good times. Beer and bowling make a great combination. If anyone is up for bowling, just let me know, I am so down to go again.
Well I hope everyone had a great weekend. I am off to bed.

Work update

2006-11-11T18:57:00.000-08:00

I got promoted at work. Yay me!!!! Previous title: Jr. Behavior technician. New title: Behavior technician. They dropped the Jr. and added the cheddar to my check. : ) Oh yeah, and they also dropped the supervisor from all my sessions, so I work alone now.

Before too much time goes by

2006-11-11T18:28:00.000-08:00

Well I said I was going to post some pics of Halloween and my birthday. I don't have them all, but here is a preview. I'll probably post some more next week and maybe I'll put some on my Myspace.

Me and Alba after my birthday dinner

If I ever have a daughter I am naming her after them. Love you ladies!!

Getting a ride to the car from my best friend Bobby (it was my birthday i shouldn't have to walk anywhere! : P )

My little Princess Lulu and Matthew on Halloween

She looks overjoyed doesn't she!

Stay tuned for more pics!

A long time ago...

2006-11-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

I was driving the other day just like I always do, flipping through the stations and I heard this song. It had been so long since I had heard it, but even so, the lyrics still held meaning for me. Listening to it brought back so many memories...of high school and, of more recent times. I thought I would share this verse with you, it was the verse that was playing when I heard it on the radio. The song is Ex-factor by Lauryn Hill, from her album: The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself?
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we've got to do
You let go, and I'll let go too

Happy Birthday

2006-11-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!!! Nothing to big planned..tonight I'm hanging out with those near and dear to me, because that's what it's all about. Saturday....it's party time. I'll see some of you soon!

dress up

2006-10-31T13:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween everyone!!! Me and the ladies are going out to West Hollywood tonight to party the night away. If you don't have any plans you should come out...it's always good times. I'll put up some pics in my next blog. So stay tuned.

who are you kidding

2006-10-29T09:57:00.000-08:00

Note to self: When out drinking beer, just order a pitcher. Because really, who are you kidding.

Heroes

2006-10-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

So just to give you an update, my car is working again!!! yay car! Yay Bobby!!!! Anyways, after he got it working I headed over to Chris' and we had a mini Heroes marathon. He had been at me to start watching the show so I finally watched the most recent. I was a little lost because I hadn't seen the first four episodes so I spent yesterday evening catching up. Thank you Chris, now you got me hooked on the damn show. If you havent seen the show, click on Chris' link in my "Links" section and he has a clip on his page. It is an awesome show, and now I will be watching it every Monday.
Well, the weekend is here, my sisters are visiting. I'm excited. Good times. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

vacation

2006-10-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

I should be at work right now in my class with my kid making some cool Halloween thing or out on the yard playing a game....but i am at home. Why you ask? Becasue my car decided to go on vacation this morning.... while I was on my way to work.... in the middle of a busy street. Good times. I was coming to a red light and let up on the gas and my car went to sleep. No engine running, no power to the car, no hazards, no fun. I instinctively hit the hazards but with no power to the car it did nothing. The cars behind me were getting mad so i jumped out of the car (real smart thing to do) and started pushing my car. Thankfully I was so close to a gas station and thankfully I drive a toy car so I was able to push it. Before I had even pushed it 10 feet I heard the beeping noise the car makes when you are about to turn it on. Relieved, I jumped back in the car, quickly turned it on and drove back home. Before I made it home it turned off again and then turned back on. My car was teasing me. Anyway, so now I am sitting at home waiting for Bobby to come look at it. Hopefully he can figure out what's wrong with it and I can go to work. I want to go to work.

The Mondays

2006-10-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

Had a case of the Mondays today....decided to sleep in and not swim. I was kind of grumpy all day. My schedule was changed around again at work. Hopefully this one will stick longer than a week. Actually I take that back. I got a new client and they live really far away. I wouldn't mind it changing again to a client that lives closer. In any case I hope it turns out to be a good week.

Where to start

2006-10-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

There are a million things going through my mind. I want to write about work. I want to write about how I am feeling. I don't even really know where to begin. I guess I can start with work. I'm happy with work. I love it. However, it is stressful. Yesterday was pretty stressful, my emotions were tested. I would be lying if I said that I do not form emotional attachments with the kids I work with. Working so closely with these kids it is almost impossible not to build a bond with them. I know that as a professional I need to have separation between myself and my client, but sometimes it can be difficult. Yesterday I was working on a task with a child, I knew it was difficult for them. I kept pushing them to do it because I see the potential in them to achieve so much. The child got frustrated and started to cry. If a demand is placed on a child and they begin to cry I have to continue to work. The child was wailing practically in front of my face but I knew I had to keep working in order to not reinforce crying as a means of escaping work. So we kept working and the child kept crying, this continued for 20 minutes. Honestly, I wanted to cry. I wanted them to get it right, they were so close. I couldn't look at the child because it was killing me to see them cry. The crying finally stopped. They got it right. I was elated to say the least, and emotionally drained.
It was probably one of my toughest sessions so far. I think going to work already carrying around a lot of heavy emotions does not make it easier for me to deal with the emotional strain that a session like that places on you.
In other regards, life is tough. I carry anger inside me. As much as I want it to, it doesn't go away. I, unfortunately, express almost every emotion with tears. I cried yesterday and today, it's been a rough few days. Which is why I needed to write.
I need to go for a really long swim tomorrow. Besides writing, swimming is another thing that I fully control that helps relieve stress.
Well, if I am to get up to swim before I go to work tomorrow(yes i have to work this saturday) I need to go to sleep now to be rested. Good night folks.

It's play time

2006-10-15T18:43:00.000-07:00

I did not want to get out of bed this morning. I was so comfy and warm, it was nice. My nephew however, had other plans for me. I was laying under the blankets, eyes half shut and I heard the sound of his little feet running down the hallway. As he burst in the room he fell over from the momentum, got back up and ran out of the room. It made me laugh. He came back and he layed with me for a bit and then told me it was time to get up because we were going out.

Honestly, I wanted to keep sleeping, but I had told my sister I would go with her and the kids to Santa Monica Hospitals anniversary celebration. We went and it was fun, I danced with my nephew and we got balloon animals made for us. After that. We went to Saint Anne's fall festival/carnival. He loved the rides and he tried so hard to win a little goldfish. It was cute he got frustrated that he couldnt get the ball in the bowl. That kid is so cute.
Anyways, I had a great time with him. Here are two pictures of us with our balloon animals.

Made the best of it

2006-10-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Chris and I went to Knott's Scary Farm......well, perhaps I should say Chris and I went to Buena Park. We had every intent of going to Knott's but after sitting in traffic for an hour and a half I thought it would be a good idea to call my friend who works there to see if there were still any tickets. So, we are sitting at the off ramp, cars aren't moving, people are yelling...it was good times....and they were sold out..,...it sucked..but we made the best of it. We both thought, well at least we found out before we ended up sitting for another hour trying to park and all that other crap.
We didn't want to make our trip to orange county go to waste so, we headed over to downtown Disney. On the way there we stopped off at Sonic and grabbed some burgers. I LOVE that establishment. It was my first time eating there. It was so cool. I had tater tots with my burger! I was excited.
When we got to downtown disney we went to tortilla joe's for some drinks.....wow that was the best decision of the whole night. We had front row to the meltdown that happened in their kitchen. Cooks were slamming doors...dishwashers were getting angry....people were walking out on tabs....it was good times and we got to see it all unfold.
So we didnt make it to knotts, but I had a great time, just chillin and drinking. We definitely made the best of it.

early

2006-10-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

so i've been getting up at 5am to swim laps at the community pool. Yesterday I was so proud of myself because i got to the pool right as they opened, i thought to myself "cool, I'll be one of the first people in, have a lane all to myself". yeah well a whole crap load of other people were thinking the same thing. Man, folks (myself included) are crazy. It was so packed and mind you it's 5am, dark and cold out. I had to share a lane immediately with someone. I don't mind, unless I am trying to do leg workouts (which I was), when there is someone else in the lane i have to be more careful where i am kicking.

Anyways, i know it sounds crazy, getting up at 5am to swim, but i love it. It's kind of funny, sometimes I don't fully wake up until half way through my work out. Sometimes I wonder if i'm dreaming. It's cool though, I get to see the sun rise as i'm swimming in the water. It's peaceful. Just me and the water.......

where did it go?

2006-10-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

Holy cow this week is almost over!!! I have no idea where it went. I hope the weekend doesn't go that fast. Okay, so my birthday is coming up and I don't know what I want to do to celebrate. I was thinking Medieval times? Anyone have any ideas?

Lulu

2006-10-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

So both my little sisters came to visit this weekend. It was nice to see both of them. My sister Irene just had a baby in July, so it is always great when she comes to visit because I also get to see my niece. She is such a cutie and I love shopping for her. I adore my nephews, but it is nice to buy little dresses and cute little outfits for her! Hehe. Well, I thought I would share some of the pictures we took.

Lulu and her cousin Matthew

Lulu and I napping

Lulu looking sleepy

passed

2006-10-07T14:14:00.000-07:00

I passed my written exam for work!! Yay! I was stressing about it, but I found out today that i passed with an 89%! I just need to pass my field observation and then I can work with out a supervisor. I'm excited. Just thought I would let you all know.

addiction

2006-10-07T00:12:00.000-07:00

I am addicted to energy drinks...anything with caffeine. I am too embarrassed to say how many I have a day....yes it is that bad. I am also hooked on protein bars. some days all i will have consumed is protein bars, water and energy drinks. yum. super nutritious. i am so addicted part of my getting ready for bed routine is making sure i have an energy drink available for me to drink first thing in the morning. i feel sorry for whomever decides to intervene i can guarantee that i will not be pleasant. k well i am off to sleep.

Love

2006-10-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

Things I love: Dancing, music, rhythm, smiling, laughing, making funny faces. Good food, cheese, bread, cookies. Running, being loud, watching the sun come up over the water, Matthews laugh, Jesses elongated vowels, his inflections. Overusing commas : ) waking up and feeling the warmth of the person you love sleeping next to you. Cuddling, staring into another persons eyes, reading, sudoku, clapping, cheering, holding hands, resting my head on someone's shoulder, random joke text messages, mommy.

I feel scattered. there is no structure to this blog. I wanted to make a list so i could be thankful for loving so many things. i love so much more, it could go on forever.

Glue

2006-09-26T21:48:00.002-07:00

How do you rebuild your life after it all falls apart? Where do you even begin to pick up the pieces? Don't get me wrong, life is good. I have a new job, my family and my friends. They are all wonderful. Something is not right though. I feel that emptiness. Drinking and going out take that feeling away. But the next day I am alone. This weekend I saw him. We talked. He held me. I felt safe. I wanted to stay.
There is still so much anger inside me. I make the situation bad because I can not let that go. No matter what, he will always be my friend, always. He never let me go, even when I walked away. My actions still hurt him, but he stays. And he waits, he calls.
I tell him about guys I meet, he tells me they are no good for me. I get mad because I think he just says it because he doesn't want me seeing anyone. But then, they go away. He is still there. How long will he be here for me? He says forever. Forever is a long time. Forever is a long time.

Just in case you didn't know, I'm in charge and I make the rules!

2006-09-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

So for those of you that have been living in a cave and didn't know, I have been living the single life for the past couple of months. Now, seeing how I am getting reacquainted with this life style there are things that I forgot happen in this game of singlehood. Example: girl meets guy, there is a mutual feeling of enjoyment when they are together and things are good. Guy decides maybe it's better if they just stay friends. Cool, no problem short duration of time, so no feelings hurt. Girl goes out meets other guy, guy one that just wanted to be friends sees girl out with guy two and feels hurt. Tells girl that he doesn't really want to be her friend anymore. (based on actual events). Problem: If you liked the girl and wanted to stay with the girl than you should have stayed with the girl.
Being single may be a game, but I don't play games, and even if I did, I would make the rules. When it comes to my feelings: I'M IN CHARGE AND I MAKE THE RULES! If you don't like the rules than kindly dismiss yourself from this game.
I just thought I would make that known.

For my girls

2006-09-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy week for my best friend Alba, and I've tried to be there for her. She has always been there for me. Actually my girls have always been there for me. I feel so lucky to have such a great group of girlfriends. The single life has allowed me to spend a lot of time with them. I don't know why when I was in a relationship, I allowed it to come before my friends. Especially knowing that if anything went wrong I would turn to them for help. I think Alba said it best when she once told a prospective boyfriend of mine "I was here before you and I will be here after you". So it was a little aggressive of her but it was true.

My girls are there for me when I need to cry. They never pass judgement. They'll tell me straight up if I did something stupid, it's not judgement it's just the facts. We go out, have a good time and sometimes we encourage each other to try something a little daring. : )
No matter how much time goes by or the distance between us Alba, Missy, Steph and Julie will always be my girls. I miss you Julie! I love you ladies!!!

Me, Steph and Julie

Me and Julie

Me, Alba and Missy

Me and Steph

Mimosa anyone

2006-09-17T23:49:00.000-07:00

Wow....I had an awesome time this weekend. I hope everyone else did too. Saturday was Mexican Independence day and my roomie (she's not my roomie anymore but I will always call her roomie) and I lived it up at the Stock Exchange in Montebello. Man we had an awesome time. I realized how much I miss hanging out with her, and having weekends off. We always have a good time together. We don't even have to drink to have the laughs going. : ) we are crazy enough without it. She is so fun to hang out with and together we are nothing but trouble!!! : )
Hehe....it was awesome, when we got up this morning (we had a sleep over) we decided to go out to breakfast. So we go out to the car and she's loading all her things up in the trunk, throwing out empty bottles of alcohol (we bought drinks before going to the club and drank in the parking lot!!! so what if we are ghetto!!) and she closes the trunk. After closing the trunk she gave me this look and I immediately knew that she left the keys in the trunk. Well, we hadn't opened the rest of the car so it wasn't as if we could just open it up and get them back. So we called triple A and they came out and opened the car. Well as she's looking in the trunk she can't find them and because we opened the car without the key the alarm was going off. I thought to myself, "what if she accidently threw them out in the dumpster when we were cleaning out the trunk?". I looked in the dumpster and sure enough there were her keys!!! We just started rolling!!!
After the key adventure we went out to brunch and decided since we have nothing to do we should start our day off drinking. :) we ordered some mimosa's and the next thing you know four and a half hours, a bottle of champagne and four margaritas have gone by and we are tipsy off our asses. Mind you it was probably only 5 in the afternoon! Nothing but good times with this girl!!!
We came back to my house after our super long brunch and just relaxed. Man it was a crazy weekend. I love having weekends off. Hopefully there will be more fun times in the future.

one week down, a lifetime to go

2006-09-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

Today was the end of my first week at my new job. I love going to work! It is so awesome. I leave work excited for the next day. I look forward to working with my kids and seeing them achieve new things. I come home exhausted, with sore legs from crawling around on the ground and picking up and tickling the kids; it's a good exhaustion. I find myself at home thinking about the kids and what we can work on the next day; a new game, a new song. The days can be hard. The child could be having a difficult day but, you work through it. Overall everyday has been awesome.

Aside from work this week, my baby sister packed up her things and prepared to move to San Diego to start her first semester at UCSD. I am so proud of her. Tonight, after celebrating my older sister's birthday, we said our goodbye's. Tomorrow morning my brother and my mom are driving her to school. I'm nervous for her, but she's a Hernandez and I know she will be fine. It makes me feel old knowing my baby sis is in college. Wow....I remember coming home from the first grade and seeing her for the very first time sleeping on the bed.

I'm really happy and I'm really tired so I am off to bed. Good night folks.

I love HIM!!!...and Him too.

2006-09-09T22:37:00.000-07:00

I can't say I know how it feels to a carry a child in my womb. I don't know what it feels like to have a life growing inside me. What I do know is that although these two beautiful boys are not my own children I love them as if they were. Jesse is my first nephew and I have the privilege of being his godmother. I know everyone says this about their kids, but he is sooooo smart! Sometimes he drives me bananas, but man I love this kid!

My second nephew Matthew is such a cutie. I experienced many sad days through out this past summer but spending a few minutes with this kid made me smile so much. He has such a lively spirit and an amazing smile.

He's got the cutest baby chubbs too!!!
These two boys make me sooo happy. I love playing with them, I love the fact that they wake me up when I want to sleep and I love seeing them learn new things. It is amazing to see them develop from little bity babies to walking, talking little people!

Just thought I would share that with you.

Day one

2006-09-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

First, I want to say sorry Melissa!!! I left early yesterday because I had to finish reading for work today. On that note, today was my first day at my new job! I love it! It was an intense day and I learned so much. My brain kinda hurts, but man I am super excited about it. The first couple weeks are primarily training so that I can work with children on my own, so today was part lecture and part hands on. It is a little overwhelming, but I am glad to be starting a new chapter in my liife. I am really tired so that is going to have to be it for now. I'll keep you guys updated, goodnight.

My last weekend at "The Empire"

2006-09-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

I can't remember who suggested to Justine to use that name instead of the actual name of the company we work for, but yeah....anyway today? ok maybe yesterday was my last weekend at "the empire". I'm super excited that this coming weekend I won't have to worry about getting a headache from hearing myself say the same shit 50,000 times.....to the same person. At the same time I am really sad, don't get me wrong working on the weekend sucked/s but, I always had something to look forward to. I love all my coworkers...okay I like all of them and LOVE some of them, and weekends were the only time when I could expect to see them all. I can honestly say that I love/d my job not because of what I do there, but because of the people I work with. They have all made my time working there memorable. It was a crazy last weekend. I won't forget it.

My Final Goodbye

2006-08-28T00:38:00.000-07:00

Today I said good bye to the only grandfather I ever knew. I touched his hands and kissed his forehead for the very last time in my life. I did not want to pull myself away from his side. I stood by my mom and held her as she cried. It was so hard for me to say goodbye. It broke my heart to see my mom say goodbye.

Today I mourned. Today my family mourned, but more importantly, we celebrated. We celebrated our family. After his service we went to my cousins house to eat as a family. Let me just tell you, I forgot how big of a family I have. I would say that about 3/4 of my family came to eat dinner. By family I mean aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, second cousins, nieces, nephews and all of their spouses. To say that it was a packed house would be an understatement.

Today was an experience. I met so many family members that I had no idea I had. After awhile I found that it was easier to introduce myself as one of Aida's daughters than by my name alone. Dinner was amazing. My cousin pulled out a box of pictures and we sat around looking at them and laughing at our ridiculous haircuts, our super 80's clothes and just simply reminiscing.

We had a lot of laughs, but the sadness was still there. There was one seat empty. My memory of family gatherings will always be of my grandfather and his brother, my great uncle Luis, sitting side by side.

Today I said farewell to the only man I ever called grandfather, mi abuelito, mi apa. I will never forget him. The last few things my grandfather ever told me was that we were lucky to be such rich people, for being blessed with such a large family. I will never, ever forget that.

Family gatherings will never be the same now that my grandfather is gone, but they will always remind me of him and how rich we really are.

My days

2006-08-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

My days are filled with many emotional ups and downs. When I have moments to myself I get really sad thinking about my grandfather. Tuesday was bad. Wednesday was really bad. I have been dealing with my loss not by expressing sadness, but by being angry...I don't know why. I have been really moody and find myself snapping at people for no reason. Tuesday, I went to the gym and I was ready to sock this guy in the face for looking at me the wrong way.

I had lunch with my mom on Wednesday and that was good. We talked and just spent time together. After lunch she took me over to Alba's and to my surprise I found Bobby and Chris waiting for me to take me to the beach. Alba had packed a bag for me with my bathing suit and a towel. It didn't make me happy. I got upset and told them I just wanted to go home. I started crying. They took me to the beach anyway. I sat in the back of the truck with Alba,I cried the whole way there.
I'm glad they took me against my will. Alba and I made a sand castle. Bobby and I wrestled in the sand, it got my mind off things.

We had so many jokes. For some strange reason Alba's truck was giving off this super foul smell of sulfur. You know, that rotten egg smell? Bobby and Chris kept making jokes about it. They told me to title my blog "huevos and culo" (eggs and ass for my non spanish speaking readers). That's what they said the truck smelled like. Seriously the smell was so foul. We went to kragen and as we pulled up the guy that was parked next to us was like: "Hey your truck smells like rotten eggs." Yeah buddy I think we know.
Here are a few of the comments that had me rolling and holding my side:

Chris:
"Fuck it smells like Humpty Dumpty in here"

Bobby:
"The truck smells like Easter"

We bought a bag of gummi worms and Chris stuck his face in the bag:

"I can't stand the smell anymore"
Alba and I: "no fair pass it back this way"

Me: "The fumes are probably toxic and we've been sitting here breathing it in like idiots." Needless to say we all started rolling...I think we were delirious.

So, I'm sure you're probably thinking that something went bad in the truck and we should have been looking for it to throw it out. But it wasn't forgotten take out, it was the truck itself. I have no idea what it was, none of us did, but it sure gave us a lot to laugh about.

I know I have not experienced my toughest day yet. Tomorrow I am going to San Diego; my grandfathers viewing is Sunday. I am scared. I just want to say thank you again to everyone who has tried to make my days a little easier. Your support is greatly appreciated.

update

2006-08-26T00:50:00.001-07:00

So I wanted to update everyone on my job hunt. I was offered a position at California Unified Service Providers as a behavior technician and I accepted. So....that means that I am putting in my two weeks at IKEA. I haven't told the head honchos yet, so to my IKEA readers please don't mention it to them yet. Please. I'm really excited, I'll be putting my degree to use, yay!! I love working with children and I am excited to have a position in which I will be helping children with disabilities. So that is the latest 411 in the job search area of my life.

should i even bother going to sleep?

2006-08-23T03:51:00.000-07:00

So it's rather late...or should I say early. With everything that has gone on I have been feeling so crappy. I am all over the place. Sometimes I feel like throwing up, sometimes I feel like eating. Sometimes I'm really tired, sometimes I just can't sleep. Actually, with the last one I guess most of the time I just feel like sleeping, except for tonight. Don't know why that is. Since Sunday I think I have averaged about 10 hours of sleep a night and I wake up in the morning (afternoon) wanting to continue sleeping. I'll get up and do some things and then I feel exhausted. On Monday, I thought that working out would make me feel better. It didn't. The whole time I was at the gym I kept thinking to myself how I really just wanted to be in bed sleeping. Needless to say I actually managed to swim for an hour. Then, I came home and slept. I'm going to really try to go to sleep right now. Let's see what time I end up waking up.

Your support

2006-08-22T00:16:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to thank all of you for the support you given me in my loss. I appreciate it so much. It means a lot to me. Thank you especially to my online family-Chhean, Pablo and Justin, reading your comments really helped. I'll be in San Diego for awhile and I won't be back at work until next Thursday I believe. I love you guys. Thank you.

In Loving Memory

2006-08-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

Today at work during my last break I thought I would check my phone to see if anyone had called me. I opened my phone and to my surprise I had 3 missed calls, each one from a different family member. Without even listening to my messages I immediately knew that something was wrong. I called my cousin and she broke the news to me that my grandfather had passed away earlier in the evening of a heart attack. I couldn't hold back the tears and I sat alone in the office and cried. After I got off the phone with my cousin I called my mom and told her that I was on my way home.

On the drive home the only thing I could think about was my last conversation with him. I will never forget his smile as I showed him the pictures of my sister and her new family. I wrote a blog about that conversation. It meant a lot to me. That conversation really made me realize how valuable my relationship is with my family.

When I got home I ran to my mom and we held each other and cried. My mom's dad was the last grandparent that I had, and now he is gone. My grandparents are back together again. Tomorrow is my grandma's birthday, She died five years ago. My mom smiled as she told me that she guessed my grandma didn't want to spend another birthday without my grandfather.

I can't even explain how much it hurts that he is gone.

Through the sadness, I can still find reasons to smile. When I got home everyone was there, it made me feel safe. My three year old nephew Jesse told my mom that he would share his grandpa with her so she didn't have to cry, it made me laugh.

I'll probably be in San Diego for the rest of the week to spend time with my family and to bury my grandfather. Until we meet again abuelito, I love you.

This career thing

2006-08-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I thought I would keep you updated on my job search. So, on Thursday I have two interviews, and I am so nervous. Both jobs involve working with children who have autism. I know it seems like an odd career to want, but I feel driven to work with this segment of the child population. For those of you who don't know, my long term goal is to go back to school for my Ph.D in Speech/Language Pathology. Both of these jobs would give me the neccessary experience to be a strong candidate for graduate school, so I hope the interviews go well. Wish me luck, think good thoughts, pray for me, whatever you feel most comfortable doing. I'll let you guys know how they go.

We are rich people

2006-08-12T23:26:00.000-07:00

I was talking with my grandfather the other day and as I showed him all the new pictures of his grandkids and his three great grandkids, he told me how lucky we are to be such rich people. He is so right. In my life I have realized Nothing can replace my family. They are the most important people in my life. I am so lucky to live with my family. I get to see my nephews grow up. Hear them as they speak their first words, take their first steps. I was there to see my sister give birth and see my siblings accomplish other great things. Life can be rough, sometimes family can make it rough, but in the end they will always be there for me. As my life slowly settles down, I am glad that I can enjoy moments with my family. Recently I felt like I was missing out on family time. Today I actually got off work early enough to spend time with them. Just sitting. laughing and talking over dinner made me realize how truly wealthy I am.